Porn gives unrealistic expectations about sex, intimacy, dating, and how to squirt. If porn were any indication of people’s everyday sex lives, we would living in homes with walls covered in cum, due to constant ejaculation and climax filling our days and nights. We’d be late for work every morning. That’s for sure!

The misunderstanding of the ultimate feeling and high arousal during squirting is possible. For some women, however, it does cum naturally. But for others, it may be possible to learn. Meaning, yes, you could make yourself squirt during sex.

First, a little refresher on what squirting actually is: While there’s still a lot of debate, Madeleine Castellanos, MD, notes that “squirting appears to be fluid that’s retained in the bladder that’s released either when a woman has an orgasm or other times.” This is thought to involve the Skene’s glands—two structures located near the end of the urethra that can produce

it can feel pretty effing fantastic. In fact, one study showed nearly 80 percent of women who’ve experienced squirting said it improved their sex lives. The urethra has all these nerve endings in it, as anybody who’s ever had a UTI can attest. It’s very sensitive. So when you get this rush of fluid going through, at the same time you’re having an orgasm or you’re getting sexual stimulation…that can be a very pleasurable experience. A lot of people think this is the pinnacle of orgasm…and if you haven’t done it, your orgasms are less-than—I don’t agree with that. For some people, squirting adds to the orgasm, and for other people, it does nothing or it detracts from it. It’s not the same for everybody. No shame either way. Of course, you’ll never know until you try. So if you’re still curious about making yourself squirt, here’s a step-by-step guide to attempting your first time.

1. Get your bedroom and bed ready
If you do succeed in squirting, things may get a tad…messy. So, Dr. Castellanos recommends taking precautions if you’re worried about over-saturating your sheets.

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2. Try to relax, and give yourself plenty of time to get turned on.
You’ll also want to reduce as many other stressful thoughts as possible. Remember that for most women sex starts in the brain. Start the mental seduction earlier in the day. That means everything from dirty talk to cleaning the bedroom so there’s nothing there that stresses you out.

3. Start by focusing on the clit.
Focus first on stimulating your clitoris, as it’ll help bring blood into the area and get your G-spot area ready for play.

4. Then, place a lot of pressure on the G-spot.
When you’re turned on, insert your middle and ring finger a couple of inches inside the vagina and rub your G-spot, which feels like a small ridged area along the front of your vaginal wall.

And realize you’re going to need to do it for an extended period of time. “What [you’re] pushing on is actually erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra,” Dr. Castellanos explains. “As you’re stroking that, what you’re doing is you’re changing the angle of the urethra to the bladder and it’s much easier for that fluid to be expelled.” To improve your odds of squirting, relax the pelvic floor muscles as you stimulate the G-spot.

5. Get some help from a toy.
G spot stimulation is key here. The G-spot is about two inches in and one inch up, inside of the vagina. So, you are seeking a toy with some length and a slight upwards curve. She likes the Le Wand Bow:

This stainless steel wand is perfectly curved with ridges and a round bulb on one end and smooth and a more pointed bulb on the other end. Add in temperature play—let it sit in warm or cold water for a few minutes—for a great combination of having a full vagina from the weight of the bow, with the added stimulation on the G-spot, and the use of the tongue on the clitoris.

6. Don’t stress about peeing.
A lot of women feel like they’re going to pee when they’re close to reaching an O. But that gotta-go feeling is often sparked by that fluid coming from the Skene’s glands behind the G-spot (aka squirting). And even if pee does come out, don’t stress. Sex is messy. And, there’s a lot of fluids involved already, so even if it was urine, who cares? (But if it’ll make you feel better, you can use the restroom before you get started.)

7. Control your pelvic floor muscles
It helps to have control of your pelvic muscles. “As the sensation/pressure starts to build, it will feel like you have to pee—that’s the time to use your pelvic floor muscles. Don’t tighten them, but push out…as if you are pushing out the pee. It takes practice!

8. Don’t be too hard on yourself if it doesn’t pan out.
Above all be compassionate with yourself if you don’t make yourself squirt.

If you don’t succeed the first time—or even after multiple attempts—it just means your body’s natural impulse is to keep anything from coming out of the urethra while you get busy. Just relax, enjoy the feelings, and if it happens, it happens.

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